Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
