so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
