I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
