Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
