I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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