the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
