Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
