and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
