when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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