I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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