He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
