i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Send help, water and tortillas.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
