someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
