Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
