I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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