Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize