Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
