Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
