using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
