I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
