It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
