TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
