I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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