what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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