Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
