I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
nutella sex= disaster
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
