if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
