Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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