So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
