my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
