I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize
