I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
