dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
