So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
