I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
