btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
