my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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