and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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