Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
