I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
