Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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