I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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