she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
