I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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