: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
