you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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