Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
