I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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