Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
