I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
as a side note pls kill me
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