thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
