so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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