oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
