That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
