i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
