Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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