Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
