May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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