he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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