We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
