Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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