By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i love accidental penises.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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