Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
