ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
