Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
