i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
