Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
