I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
