I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize