Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
