i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
