she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
