there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
