Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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