Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
