Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
