Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
